Not that anyone cares (or should) what I think, but...
Contestant #1
Matt Giraud:
Matt really is coming up. I think calling him Justin Timberlake is a S-T-R-E-T-C-H, but he really is good. I would buy his album based on his performances thus far.
Judges:
Paula, Your eyes are a little red tonight, GURLfriend.
Kara, You are not Simon. Stop trying to be. You are annoying me. Thanks!
Contestant #2
Kris Allen:
I love the arrangement. Oh and you're cute too!
Judges:
Kara, Here's the thing, I am tired of hearing you say "Here's the thing..."
Simon, Don't try to put the cute boy down. He does not need to be conceited.
Randy, It is all good! Thank you.
Contestant #3
Scott McIntyre
Do you think that Scott knows he has pink pants on?
I love Scott, but it looks like wardrobe is playing a trick on him, but it doesn't matter what he wears, he is amazing!
"You Can't Hurry Love." I like this version, no matter what the judges say. I also like Majic 95.5, for the record.
Paula, Simon is not pleased. Do not speak for him. I am sure he will tear you up right about now.
Simon, You just confirmed. Stupid Paula. Simon thinks it was rubbish!
Randy, Okay, enough Dawg.
Kara, Shut Up!
Yes, Yes, I know Scott will never win this contest.
Contestant #4
The Artist formerly known as "Megan Joy Corkery"
I wonder if she'll do that weird little dance tonight?
(Paula and the drunk comment about Simon's pickle being under her skirt??? What's Up?)
Dear Megan,
You are not Amy Winehouse. This is a good thing. Embrace it.
XOXO,
Me
P.S. My daughter likes your sleeve. She is 3!
Judges:
Randy, "Mad Love" is a movie from the late 90's staring Drew Barrymore and Chris O'Donnell. Not Megan. Not Joy. Not Corkery. (It was not a good movie, but I loved it. Yes, I have a thing for bad movies and anything Drew Barrymore.)
Kara, Shut Up!
Paula, This is not a beauty pageant. It's a singing competition.
Contestant #5
Anoop Desai
Please let him sound just as good as he did last week, PLEASE?!?!
My husband would like to see you more dressed up. (I don't know why?)
Judges:
Kara: Shut Up! PLEASE!
Paula: Sweet and Tender?
Simon: Thank you!
Randy: Stop saying "Anoop Dawg." It was over a long time ago.
Contestant #6
Michael Sarver
Excuses. Excuses.
Who will be worse? You? Or The Artist?
You or The Artist?
You or The Artist?
Toss up... but it's,
You!
Sorry. (In my best British accent.)
P.S. You woke my baby up from a deep sleep. Shame on you.
Judges:
Paula, Las Vegas lounge. Were you there before the show tonight?
Simon, Thank you for acknowledging that Paula is talking non-sense!
Kara, PLEASE...Shut Up!
Contestant #7
Lil Rounds
Smokey Robinson, Did you really just say that she could sing the phone book? Do you know how many times Paula has slurred that in reference to some cute male contestant?
Judges:
Randy, How you be? (Do you know that this be improper grammar?)
Kara, Do you need me to say it again?
Paula, Do you have ear goggles on?
Contestant #8
Adam Lambert
This was the best of the night. Duh Kara!
Adam, you look great tonight.
You sound great.
I still love you.
Judges:
Kara, You are an idiot!
Paula, Ugh! Have another drink.
Simon, You are the man! Thank you for pointing out how DUMB the ladies next to you can be! (I can't believe I wrote "You are the man! That is as dumb as Kara and as 90's as Randy!)
Contestant #9
Danny Gokey
The class clown. Did you color your hair?
You are proving to be an excellent church choir director.
Judges:
Simon, You are right. It was not good.
Randy, Never the best! Is it ever?
Kara, SHUT UP!
Contestant #10
Allison Iraheta
You ROCK, my sister friend!
You should not have been in the bottom 3 last week and definitely not again this week!
Judges:
Kara: Sit down and Shut UP! PLEASE! I beg of you.
Randy: Dope? Is that still cool? Let me answer that for you? "Nope!"
Paula: Are you slurring? I can't understand you.
Better run My living room is a mess and Olivia just put my exercise ball in time out! I am obviously not paying enough attention to my surroundings!
And before anyone gets the wrong idea, I am not bitter. I love American Idol...the whole show and all of the contestants that can sing 1 million times better than I ever could. I just had a long day and was having a little fun at the expense of the American Idol. XOXO
3 comments:
You really ought to post this as a note on Facebook. It is hilarious. I was typing my own very brief recap of AI when I saw that you had done one too. I reposted yours under mine on my blog because it is too funny. No one should miss out. :-)
Lark and I have been referring to Matt as Discount JT. Or JT Rack... or JT Outlet Mall Irregular Sizes that only comes in funky shades of teal or lavendar...
Adam's definitely bringin' it right now; watch out Danny and Allison
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